how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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