So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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