Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
