this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
