And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
