Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
