I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
