We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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