trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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