he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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