I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
