Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
