Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
