Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
