I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
