You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
