it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
