so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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