Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
