this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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