Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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