i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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