He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
