she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
