oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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