well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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