Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
