i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
