just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
