i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
