Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
