So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My cat gives me a boner
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
