Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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