I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
