peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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