dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
