I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
