Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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