Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
