When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
