we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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