he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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