your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
