They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I love you.
Bad choice
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