Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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