I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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