dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
