I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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