He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
