It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
